I Have Finally Seen the Way of Being a True Person (2)
October 29, 2017
Xiao li Henan Province
Even though I am willing to pursue being an honest person, as I have been too deeply corrupted by Satan, putting it into practice is still quite difficult; especially the moment it has to do with my reputation or status, I just lie and cheat in spite of myself. I remember when I was preaching the gospel and I saw that my brothers and sisters really threw themselves into their evangelism, and were winning many people for God, but my results were never very good. I felt ashamed, and I was worried that other people would look down on me because of that. During those few days I had just borne witness to a new member about God’s work in the last days, and she brought two more friends to her house so that I could chat with them as well. But because some other things came up that day, I never made it. In the evening a sister asked me how many people I had converted, and without thinking I told her: “Three people.” After she left, I started to reproach myself: I clearly just converted one person, so why did I say three? Wasn’t it just for my own vanity, my own face? Before, when I didn’t focus on being an honest person, I told many lies without being conscious of them, but when I started focusing on it I discovered that I lied quite a lot and that these lies just fell out of my mouth. It seemed that I was killing myself with these lies. I was subject to a lot of refinement on this, and I was concerned that I was so difficult to deal with. I questioned myself: Will it kill you to tell the truth? Why don’t you just remember things? I was disheartened because I had never been able to truly enter into the truth of being an honest person. I felt that I was an utter failure as a human being and I even believed that God didn’t want to see me, this deceitful person, anymore. It was so difficult for me to tell the truth, and I had so many corrupt dispositions, how could I possibly change? It turned out that my essence was as the devil’s and I could not be saved by God. Sooner or later He’ll get rid of me. When my thoughts went there, I lost all confidence in myself and began to give up.

